Our students come to us with physical discomfort and with
emotional discomfort related to playing. Performance anxiety
is the worst of the emotional discomfort. Here is what to
do about it.
There are four distinct phenomena that go by the name performance
anxiety. Each requires a different response, so it is important
to name all four and distinguish them from each other so that
the appropriate response may be chosen. Mixing responses guarantees
failure.
FOUR KINDS OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY:
One: butterflies.
Two: self-consciousness.
Three: emotions associated with inadequate preparation.
Four: debilitating fear, terror, dread, panic.
DEFINITIONS:
One, butterflies, the fluttery sensations, sometimes intense,
that precede performance and disappear as performance begins,
often regarded by seasoned performers as indicative of readiness
to perform but often mistaken for performance anxiety by inexperienced
performers. Normal, not pathological.
Two, self-consciousness, defined in my dictionary as "morbidly
aware of oneself as an object of attention for others." A
brilliant definition. I'd like to shake the hand of the person
who wrote it. Self-consciousness is a pathology, but rather
easily remedied. To call it performance anxiety is a misnomer
because anxiety is not involved, as you will learn if you
carefully question a self-conscious person. He or she will
say, "Oh, I don't feel any fear; I'm just so self-conscious."
Three, emotions associated with inadequate preparation. A
witches' brew of shame, confusion, avoidance, and fear, not
pathological, just human, often mistaken for number four by
those who don't want to acknowledge the truth that they are
not ready to perform. Shame predominates in this mix.
Four, pathological, debilitating fear, terror, dread, panic.
Intense emotion, coming in waves, usually expressed physically
as sweating, shaking or other involuntary movement, rapid
breathing, dry mouth, senses distorted or diminished, e.g.,
"It sounded like the piano was a quarter of mile away."
TIME OF OCCURRENCE:
One, butterflies, occurs in the hours immediately preceding
performance.
Two, self-consciousness, occurs whenever the performance
is thought about.
Three, emotions associated with inadequate preparation. Pretty
constant in the weeks preceding performance. Usually low grade
because of the avoidance factor.
Four, debilitating fear, terror, dread, panic. Grandly episodic
throughout the entire period of preparation. Middle of the
night. While driving one's car. At a party. Walking past the
concert hall. Talking with one's accompanist on the phone.
Taking a walk. Sudden. Unpredictable. Subsides, only to reappear
another time, like herpes.
EFFECT ON PERFORMANCE:
One, butterflies, enhances performance.
Two, self-consciousness, compromises the whole performance,
start to finish. "I always play better in practice than
in performance." Emotional expression and meaning are
compromised.
Three, emotions associated with inadequate preparation. Performance
spotty and substandard because of the inadequate preparation,
not because of the associated emotions.
Four, debilitating fear, terror, dread, panic. May stop performance
altogether. Performers may refuse to play or sing at the last
minute or they walk off stage mid concert. If they play or
sing the whole concert, the fear and its physical manifestation
are episodic throughout. The sweating and shaking may be visible
and result in wrong notes. The sensory distortion may interfere
with ability to read the notation or to hear the other players
so that performance has to be stopped and started again. Often
results in "memory slips" or rhythmic distortion.
Rarely if ever compromises expressiveness. In fact, some performers
claim they are not expressive unless they are filled with
fear, terror, dread, panic.
REMEDIES:
One, butterflies. Learn to enjoy them. Begin the performance
and they disappear.
Two, being self-consciousness, morbidly aware of oneself
as an object of observation for others, requires a two step
remedy. First, get clear about the fact that the audience
pays money and comes to the concert hall to make the music
the object of attention. If the audience paid money and came
to the concert hall to make YOU the object of attention, you
wouldn't have to play the music. You could just sit there
and let them look at you. Second step in the remedy, develop
self-awareness. True self-awareness (kinesthetic, tactile,
emotional) is the great, reliable remedy for self-consciousness.
This two-step remedy can work literally overnight and solve
the problem forever if the first step is truly comprehended.
The music is what it's all about. The music is the object
of observation for the audience and for the performer, who
have a mutual interest in the music.
Three, emotions associated with inadequate preparation. Cancel
or postpone the performance or the audition, or get a sub.
No other response is appropriate. Then, get yourself adequately
prepared. If you don't know how to prepare, find someone who
will teach you. Never, never use performance anxiety as an
excuse when it was inadequate preparation that compromised
the quality of your performance. Teachers, don't let your
students get by with this, either. Nail them. Call them on
it. It's your job. Don't let them perform unprepared.
Four, debilitating fear, terror, dread, panic. The remedy
for this is strenuous, demanding, difficult, uncompromising,
but it works. The remedy will be described in great detail
later in this essay, but, first, I believe it is important
to understand that this type of performance anxiety happens
in a context. In my experience, the context must be credited
in order for the sufferer to do the work of liberation.
THE CONTEXT:
Performance fear, terror, dread, panic is not purely personal
and cannot be remedied without some understanding of its cultural
context. In order for musicians to exert themselves to genuine
change, they need to sense they are changing not just themselves
but also the musical culture. In other words, they are doing
it for everyone.
Let's look at the problem from the perspective of circumstances
in which performance anxiety rarely or never occurs. Then,
let's examine some unusual factors in the way music is taught
and heard in our culture. Third, please consider the status
of musicians in our culture as a factor in the fear musicians
feel.
Let's look first at the circumstances in which performance
anxiety rarely or never occurs in order to shine some light
on the circumstances in which it does occur. Performance anxiety
rarely occurs among pro-ams, as they are now fondly called,
that is, amateurs who play at a professional level. It rarely
occurs among church musicians, especially those who regard
themselves as having a vocation for music, and it rarely occurs
among Indian classical musicians (those who play the traditional
ragas), though their music is at least as complex and demanding
as western classical music, and it rarely occurs among African
drummers, though their music is far more complex rhythmically
than is western music. I have the impression that performance
anxiety is less frequent among western jazz and rock musicians
than among western classical musicians. Pro-ams tell me they
feel eager anticipation when they perform. One said it is
like preparing a fine meal for friends.
Pro-ams play a lot of chamber music, and the music itself
is the motivating factor, the joy of hearing it, the joy of
playing it, the joy of discovering something new about it.
For these highly skilled amateurs there are no bad consequences
in their imagination if they don't for some reason play well,
no loss of job, no scorn from colleagues, and the like.
Church musicians tell me they attribute their absence of
fear to the fact that even their very finest performances
are not ends in themselves but rather dedicated to the overall
effect of the celebration. Organists sometimes tell me it
helps them that they are not seen by the congregation, or
not watched as a concert pianist is.
Indian classical musicians tend to attribute their comfort
in playing to the communal nature of their training and to
the fact that they usually live with their teachers, who teach
them every day, not every week, and offer the ongoing nurture
and support in supervised daily practice. The students never
experience the isolation so many young musicians experience
in our culture.
One of the great African drummers at a Percussive Arts Society
convention, when asked about performance anxiety, said he
had never met anyone who suffered from it. Laughing, he said,
"We are not afraid of music." Then he became serious and named
some elements in the training of drummers that may prevent
performance anxiety. First, he said, "We never ever name a
mistake. Naming mistakes seems silly to us," he said,
"like naming the mistakes" in a young child's talking
or walking." He went on to say that young children are
kept at the same level of playing for a long time and not
allowed to go to the next level of complexity until they are
practically bursting to do so. Then, when they do go to the
next level, they can achieve it easily, they have so long
anticipated it in their minds and because they have heard
it and seen it for so long from others. In addition, African
teachers play with their students or for their students all
or most of the time, and there are no competitions, only performances.
Rock musicians, in my experience, are free of performance
anxiety. When I ask them about this, they generally attribute
it to the connection they feel to their audience. They are
deeply, profoundly aware of their audience as they write and
rehearse, so it is as if the audience is perpetually present.
The audience is not something to be feared but something to
draw strength and inspiration from. Listen to interviews with
great rock musicians and you will hear them talk about their
audiences in the same way some well-known novelists talk about
theirs. A mutual loyalty is being described. Jazz musicians
share to some degree the sense of audience, especially those
who get a following in certain clubs, but they have the further
cushion of improvisation. Improvisation is a very demanding
enterprise, but it does give a kind of space that the strict
notation of classical music does not.
There are some aspects of the ways music is heard in our
culture that we take for granted much of the time, but which
are nevertheless quite unusual and may contribute to the debilitating
fear some musicians experience. An audience sitting in rows
facing a stage with nothing else to think about is unusual
in the world. In other cultures people wander in and out of
the performance space, paying close attention when they like
and peripheral attention at other times. The musicians are
not watched so intently. Nowadays many people have CD's of
the music being performed. Notes not written by the composer
have been corrected on the CDs, and therefore people's ears
are geared to a level of technical perfection that is unrealistic.
Also, audience members may be comparing a university professorıs
performance to the performance of the finest concert musicians
in the world. The comparison spoils what would otherwise be
a profoundly enjoyable experience, and, to make matters worse,
the performer may also be making the comparison, contributing
to performance fear and dread. Some fine musicians perform
infrequently, upping the ante on any one performance, like
getting to play one or two poker hands a year.
And then there is the matter of envy. I will not write about
envy in this essay because it has been discussed so brilliantly
by James Jordan in The Musician's Soul, a book all musicians
need to read and study because envy is a truly significant
factor in performance fear and dread.
As is status. Musicians'status is our culture is described
in one word: low.
Evidence: joke. Three people appear at the pearly gates.
The doctor is welcomed right in, likewise the lawyer. The
musician is directed around to the back door.
Evidence: COVER STORY in city magazine: HOW TO IMPRESS YOUR
FRIENDS THIS YEAR. Tip number ten: BUY SEASON TICKETS TO THE
SYMPHONY AND NEVER, NEVER GO.
Evidence: musicians' salaries at universities as compared
with others who have spent decades of hard work in preparation
for what they do.
Evidence: the way musicians are treated at the White House.
Rosalyn Carter made sure that musicians were greeted when
they arrived and that they were served good food and had a
comfortable place to change clothes and warm up and rest between
performances, but other occupants of the White House have
not followed her example.
Evidence: the reluctance of symphony management to adopt
and adhere to elementary safeguards for musicians and their
instruments, like temperature control, reasonable schedules,
and ear protection.
Evidence: the failure of universities to credit practice
time and score study as work hours. Many university musicians
work a full work week in addition to their practice and study
time. From a non-musician's point of view, this is cruel and
counter productive, like asking a scientist to do research
after hours, and it contributes to performance anxiety because
the performing professor is tired and sometimes resentful.
I have been privileged to spend some time in a culture in
which musicians are held in the highest esteem, revered, cared
for, regarded as very, very special. Their status is in shocking
contrast to that of musicians in American mainstream culture.
THE REMEDY FOR PERFORMANCE FEAR, TERROR, DREAD, PANIC:
I derive some linguistic pleasure from building the remedy
on the letters in the word F-E-A-R, thus:
F- feel the fear.
E--embody the fear.
A--arrive.
R--relate.
The devise also helps my students remember what to do. Feel
the fear. Embody the fear. Truly arrive in the performance
space. Truly relate to the space, the music, and the audience.
It sounds simple, but it is actually very mentally demanding,
and the feeling and the embodying must be done over and over
again throughout the preparation period whenever the episodes
of fear occur, so it is a day by day commitment over a period
of weeks or months, and it is particularly demanding at the
time of performance because feeling and embodying must continue
unabated while you at the same time truly arrive in the space
and truly relate to it. Not simple. Not easy. Why do I recommend
something so demanding as remedy? Because itıs the only thing
that works. Believe me, I've seen everything you can imagine
tried to solve this problem and nothing but this demanding
procedure really works. If you don't believe me, try all the
others and then do this, hard as it is. No one ever said being
a successful performer was going to be easy, only that is
was going to be fulfilling and in keeping with our deepest
humanity, so the reward is great.
So, here is how it's done, letter by letter.
FEAR.
F: FEEL:
Many people make the mistake of trying not to feel their
fear, terror, dread, panic, or they try to diminish it, or
they try to ignore it. This turns them into two people, the
person who is feeling the fear and the one who is suppressing
or ignoring it. You can't perform split. It just won't work.
So, the first task in solving the problem of performance fear
is to just agree to feel what youıre feeling full out in every
part of your body, not diminishing any tiny bit of it.
Now, understand that fear, terror, dread, panic only overwhelm
if they are experienced in isolation from other sensations.
So, your next FEEL task is to feel also all the other emotions
in your experience. You may think there are no others, but
you will be wrong about this. If you go looking for them,
you will find the others -- anger, perhaps; self-compassion,
we hope; your love for the music you will be playing, your
anticipation, yearning; hope for a fine performance; regard
for the other musicians on your concert. The key here is to
let all those other emotions live in your experience and come
into relationship with the fear you feel. If you let them
live there with the fear, the other emotions will cushion
the fear, change its texture. Probably they will not diminish
its intensity, but thatıs okay, really, because they will
change the physical expression of the fear. Sweating and shaking
will subside. Your body only produces these expressions of
your fear if your fear is all you're feeling, if it's alone
there in experience, all by itself. When you're feeling all
your other emotions at the same time, the monochromatic response
of shaking and sweating gives way to a rainbow of expression
that also prevents the sensory distortions that compromise
performance so seriously.
You may want to actively cultivate and enhance some of your
other emotions. If you love music, right there in the presence
of all your fear, expand and enhance that love. If you have
some joyful anticipation of playing this marvelous music for
people in the audience, enhance that. Don't stop feeling the
fear, just give it good company. You are cultivating richness
in your experience. If you allow it to, the music will help
you as you practice it. Be sure you are making the fullest
possible emotional response to the music you are practicing.
You will need to make your entire nervous system available
to the music, then it will provide you with the richest possible
context for your fear. Music teaches you how to feel what
it expresses. That is one of its glories, and it is how music
helps you with your fear.
Now, remember, this is just the first step, and it will
not work in isolation from the others to solve your performance
fear problem, but neither can it be skipped or cheated. You
will have to do this step consistently, day after day, in
your practice and every single time you feel an episode of
performance fear coming on.
FEAR.
E--EMBODY.
Now you go the next step and give all your emotion a larger
context. You need to put all your emotion in the company of
all your other physical sensation. Just like fear never overwhelms
when it is given the company of other emotion, so emotion
never overwhelms when it is given the company of other sensation.
We call this strategy embodying the fear.
First, put all your emotions in the context of your tactile
experience, the feeling of your skin, your tactile sensation
of your shoes, socks, floor, clothing, the temperature and
movement of the air as perceived by your skin. Find it all
and put your emotion firmly in relationship to it.
Then find all your kinesthetic sensation, that is, all your
experience of your moving, of your position, of your size.
You will be moving to perform, and you will need to feel your
moving with great clarity in order to choose the best movement
and in order to change your moving if it needs to be changed.
So, in embodying your emotion, you are also availing yourself
of information crucial for performance anyway, apart from
its function as a primary cushion for fear.
As you become kinesthetically awake, you will feel overt
movement and what is fashionably called micromovement, all
the inner hum of muscular and visceral activity. You will
feel this all as related, like an orchestra of sensation,
not isolated like orchestra members warming up.
You want to be sure you are feeling any other sensation that
may be present. Pain, if it's there, hunger, thirst, pleasure,
the whole richness of being. Then your fear is like a clarinet
in the orchestra, just one element of a complex but unified
whole. This reclaiming of experience requires intention, or
will, but it is worth all the mental effort it takes to recover
it.
To repeat, you must make this recovery every single time
you feel the fear, terror, dread, panic, in the months coming
up to performance. There is a discipline in this, a consistency.
Every time.
FEAR.
A--ARRIVE:
Then you have to put all this richness in the context of
the actual performance situation. We are nesting experience
here, you see, like those nested Russian dolls, one within
another. Your fear is the littlest doll, which you put within
all the others so that you have it in a safe context. You
have to truly arrive in the space.
Now, this is the opposite of unsuccessful strategies like,
"I try to pretend I'm still in my practice room."
The pretending strategy is disasterous on two counts: it removes
your from reality, and it ties up your imagination, which
you need for performance.
Arrive. Come to the concert hall early. Walk out onto the
stage. Get clear about where the walls are, the floors are,
the seats are. Sense the space. Relate to the space. Claim
the space. Be in the space. Get clear about the objects in
the space, learning where the piano is, for instance, the
music stands, the chairs, the lights. Watch in the wings as
the audience filters in. Do this arriving in your dress rehearsals
so you're used to it for performance.
You can also practice this by truly arriving in your practice
space, using the same stategy for your practice you will use
later for your performance.
In your practice space, even if it is very small, you will
need claim a space for your moving that is at least as big
as the space you will perform in, otherwise coming into the
larger performance space will be a shock. Many successful
musicians ordinarily claim a much larger space for their moving
than a concert hall, but the size of the concert hall is the
smallest that works. This does not mean that you imagine you
are in the concert hall. No. Rather, you claim, own, move
in, command, occupy a space in practice big enough for performance.
Arrive. An audience is coming into this space in which you
will perform. Part of arriving is ackowledging the likely
nature of that audience. If some of your audience is hostile,
may write bad reviews, will be catty, you will need to arrive
to that fact and really be present with it. There's no pretending
they are other than they are. Hostile people, along with those
who are kindly and truly interested in hearing the music,
must be treated as audience. You are not responsible for how
they behave, but you are responsible for how you behave, and
it is your job to play or sing in good faith for all the members
of your audience, including the hostile and the catty and
the uppity. This is rich and complex experience, which is
just how it is for an artist.
FEAR.
R-- RELATE:
Which brings us to the final maneuver in eliminating performance
fear as a problem. Fear remains, perhaps, as an emotion, but
it is no longer a problem because you know how to handle it.
You feel, you embody yourself and your feeling, you arrive,
and you relate. You relate to the space; you relate to your
audience, you relate to the music, you relate to your instrument.
Let's take each of those in turn. You relate to the space
as I have described above, claiming the whole of it for your
movement in performance. You do not go out on stage and play
in a space the size of your practice room. If you do, we in
the audience have to look into your space as through a window.
We are not included in it and we feel left out, as though
we were watching someone practice. If you do not relate to
the space in performance, you do not get the advantages of
perceiving its accoustical properties or its beauty or the
spaciousness that might inform the quality of your moving.
You do not get the benefit of its sheltering.
You relate to your audience, that is, they are in your awareness
and you are playing for them. There is a mutuality. They enjoy
your performance, and you feel their enjoyment and appreciation
and that helps you in your performance. Performers who do
not relate to their audiences do not get the benefit of the
audience reaction for stamina and for pleasure in performing.
It's a big, big loss to everyone.
You relate to the music, that it, you let the music benefit
you as much as it is benefitting the audience. You make a
full emotional response to the music, which carries and sustains
your performance. You let the music sustain you.
You relate to your instrument. There is great security in
this, for you will be able to feel your instrument clearly.
It may seem that the instrument is warmed up, ready to go,
that it is eager to perform, like a racehorse at the beginning
of a race. This will help you. Your love for your instrument
as well as your love for the music can be a source of stability
and cushioning in the performance. This is especially true
for singers, of course. If you are relating profoundly to
your instrument as you perform, you will know when it needs
some special care or some adjustment, as to a quirky reed
or to a voice just recovering from a cold.
One result of feeling-embodying-arriving-relating is that
time has a different flavor. There seems to be more of it.
There is enough time to make choices. There is a temporal
spaciousness that allows you to recover and renew your feeling-embodying-arriving-relating
if it weakens.
This all becomes second nature over time, as it is first
nature for those who never lost it. The deliberateness falls
away; the need for will falls away. Feeling-embodying-arriving-relating
is no longer a discipline, but just what one does, naturally.
Fear as a problem is a poignant memory.
BEST TIPS FOR ELIMINATING PERFORMANCE ANXIETY AMONG YOUR
STUDENTS:
Help your students see that their fear is not purely personal
but is a shared, cultural phenomenon that requires a cultural
change as well as a personal one, to which they may contribute.
Frequently remind your students that becoming a highly accomplished
amateur is an option for them. Encourage your students to
explore and enjoy all kinds of music and to see themselves
as part of a community of musicians that includes all kinds
of musicians.
Encourage your students to seek out performance opportunities,
to perform in nursing homes, for instance, or at their own
dinner parties.
Encourage your students to play or sing chamber music at
every possible opportunity, just for the joy of it.
Cultivate a positive environment in your studio and set clear
rules for how students treat each other. Always perform on
your students' recitals, always. They need to see your preparation
and they need your modeling.
Keep your own performance at a high level and perform frequently
even if you primarily earn your living by teaching.
If a student comes to a lesson unprepared, practice for the
student, talking to the student about what you're doing, e.g.,
"Notice that I repeated that passage because I changed
my mind about how it goes." Or, offer to observe the
student's practicing, coaching the student in good practice
technique. Never, never just ignore or overlook the fact that
the lesson is unprepared.
Play with your students.
Play for your students.
Face your students whenever possible. It's a great help
for them to see what you're doing. They can't see you if they
are on a stand with you. Help your students from the very
first lesson to truly know their instruments. Many students
are handicapped and fearful because they are playing fantasy
instruments which differ greatly from the instruments they
actually have (like a piano student listening to the keys
instead of the strings; like a piano student imagining that
the point of sound is at the key bed). Always let the students
know the limitations of the instrument they are using so they
don't feel bad because they can't make their student violin
sound like your Strad.
Deal constructively with wrong notes. Much of the time you
don't even need to point them out. Just play the piece again
yourself, asking the student to listen carefully. If you feel
its important to give feedback about the note, just say that
the student played a note the composer didn't write and always
play that note yourself. "You played this (you play B
flat); the composer wrote this (you play B natural)."
Give the student time to hear the difference and to play the
difference, one and then the other, so that the correction
can truly be assimilated. Put the correction in a musical
context, asking, "Why did the composer choose B natural
here instead of the B flat you played?" Sometimes the
student will have played something that actually sounds better
than what the composer wrote. Always acknowledge that when
it is true.
Be very, very careful to give students age appropriate and
skill appropriate music and not too much of it.
Keep the students at a skill level for a long time, letting
them enjoy their success in coming to that level, so that
year after year as they grow they get to experience real competence
and musicality.
Never, never, never let a student perform unprepared. Just
reschedule the student to the next recital.
Keep your young students out of competitions and seek opportunities
for them to play for supportive, knowledgeable colleagues
in non-competitive situations. Stay with them in those situations
so you know they are being treated well and constructively.
Be as educated as you can be about the youth choirs and orchestras
and the music camps in your area so that you can steer your
students away from harsh circumstances and into nurturing,
supportive circumstances.
Teach your students to improvise, right from the first. If
you don't know how to improvise yourself, join Music for People
and let David Darling and his certified improv teachers teach
you how. Help your students build a genuine sense of having
an audience. In the beginning it will be the parents and friends
who come to the recitals. Refer frequently to the audience
and to the pleasure the audience will take in the music. Make
it clear that in your studio musicians are held in high esteem,
consistent with the intelligence, humanity, and artistry it
takes to do the job. Model for the students a very high level
of self regard and self care.
Teach your older students how to treat auditioners and jurors
as genuine audience.